Slipping through my fingers….

Have you seen the movie “Mamma Mia”? Have you heard this song?

I just love this movie and all the songs. This one’s lyrics touch some chord somewhere.. Its like story of my life.

Time slipping through my fingers and all the things I plan for me and my family washing away with the slipping time.. what happened to the wonderful adventures, the places I had planned for us to go, well some of that we did, but most we didn’t..

Slipping through my fingers.. The last time I heard it was yesterday and since then, I can’t help but go back and look at the pictures of my son, just born.. How I used to touch those little fingers, waiting for him to hold my finger! His little face, puffy sleepy eyes! His big searching eyes when he was awake, looking for me! How I could see him 24X7! How I kept clicking his pictures all the time!

Well, before you think I have run away from home, I haven’t! But I’ve been missing him since I joined work! And I’ve been avoiding realization of how much time has gone by! I’ve been avoiding a thought of what is fast going by.. I’ve drowned myself in a routine. Now that song brought me back to shore, making me realize, he’s growing up! And I am losing those chances at making memories with him that could be my lifetime treasure!

He’s already progressed a lot! Started babbling, crawling, standing up holding furniture, identifying food, screaming for a toy, laughing with us, about to begin teething! He is no more that “bundle” of joy, the bundle is unwrapped and he is moving about with all the energy in the world! And I am at work!

Is this the perennial dilemma of every working parent? I was away for 4 days for some assignment and already he has added a new word to his vocab “papa”!!!! But “mumma” is nowhere yet! Is it because I am not available all the time? I’m not jealous, just edgy, waiting for him to call me!! And have that big proud smile that hub had yesterday when he was called “papa”!!! That sweet music of his voice!!

Slipping through my fingers.. All the plans that I had.. They are deep down. Waiting to be executed. But where’s the time? And the inclination? I am always waiting for that perfect moment.. When my fairy God mother would come and a swoosh of her wand would set things alright! But this is reality and there are no fairy god mothers.

Then sometimes I am thinking of things I planned for me and hub.. Lost somewhere.. A random picture of a random friend on facebook brings the memory of that plan back! Something that will never come to be! I am waiting for a perfect moment.. When I’ll be able to do things I plan.. But that moment doesn’t come.. Where’s the time? Out of this schedule? And the inclination?

Some old picture swims before my eyes, of old times, with mom & dad and I think about the peaceful lazy bachelor days! Sometimes I wish I can freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time..

But the time tick tocks.. As it still does.. And I still wait.. For that perfect moment and the time and the inclination.. Sadly, many of the plans don’t materialise because of the fast life we live in! The pace of it kills most dreams before you are done dreaming!!

Laptop bag in hand, I leave home in the morning, and he is waving good-bye with an absent minded smile!!

Beautiful song..


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